Dont give up on us
by RazzleJazzle21
Summary: Kurt and Blaine are married...and things were going great up till Blaine got a new job. Now Kurt spends most of his night's crying himself to sleep. Kurt doesn't know how much more he can take and is considering Divorce. It isn't until Blaine forget's their wedding anniversary that Kurt loses hope and Blaine finally realizes what he's done, but will it be too late to win Kurt back?
1. Chapter 1

If Kurt had any idea that Blaine getting this job was going to ruin everything, he would have done everything in his power to stop him from going to that interview. As it was if Kurt didn't love Blaine as much as he did, he was sure he would have walked away months ago, but no, he's still here. Trying his hardest because he refuses to let go of almost seven years of marriage, but it just seemed like the harder he tried the worse things got. He loved his husband, he had been madly and deeply in love with Blaine for ten years now, and never in his wildest dreams did he ever imagine he'd be spending night after night crying himself to sleep because he's completely miserable in his marriage with the man he still loves more than life itself. Unfortunately marriage, hell any relationship took a lot more than love. No matter how strong it was. He hated that every Friday during his weekly phone call to his father he always ended up in tears, the last phone call he'd even used the dreaded 'D' word…Divorce.

Before Blaine got this job Kurt never EVER would have considered a divorce. They were happy together, their marriage was perfect, they were planning on starting a family together…and not a day went by without either of them hearing the words "I love you". But then things changed, Blaine took a job that paid almost double what he'd previously been making at a very prominent law firm. Kurt had been proud and supportive of his husband at first, but then little by little a distance developed between himself and Blaine, a distance that seemed to grow with each passing day and no matter what Kurt did to try and bridge the gap, he always ended up disappointed and feeling as lonely as ever. It had been bad enough when Blaine had started staying after work for hours only to come home when Kurt had already gone to bed, and then the days he did come home in time for a late dinner he brought work home with him and ignored Kurt completely. Had it only been maybe once or twice a week? Kurt could have learned to deal with it, but 5-6 times a week? Kurt woke up and Blaine was gone, Kurt went to bed and Blaine was gone and even when he was home he was too busy to even notice Kurt was alive.

Hard as he tried he couldn't remember the last time he'd even been intimate with his husband, and it wasn't from a lack of him trying, but to be perfectly honest Kurt could only be rejected so many times by his 'loving husband' before he couldn't take the rejection anymore and stopped making an attempt. The last time it'd happened, he'd come up behind Blaine while he was looking over some papers for work and wrapped his arms around his shoulders and started kissing his neck asking Blaine when he'd be coming to bed, the last thing he'd expected was for Blaine to huff in annoyance and push him away saying he was busy and would probably be up late so he'd just sleep on the couch. Kurt had spent the rest of the night crying silently into his pillow feeling unwanted and unloved.

His dad's advice at first had been to talk to Blaine about how he was feeling, easier said than done since Blaine was never home. He'd then suggested maybe Kurt could surprise Blaine at work with lunch, do something nice for his husband to catch his attention and maybe tell him while he was there that he really needed to talk to Blaine about something. So Kurt had packed a picnic basket with a bunch of Blaine's favorite foods and dressed to impress making sure not even a hair was out of place before setting off to surprise Blaine. He got more excited with each step closer he got to Blaine's work he just kept thinking about the smile he was SURE would be on his husbands face when he showed up with his favorite foods for lunch, maybe if they finished early enough Kurt could even sneak in a little bit of lip action? After all it'd been SO long since he'd been decently kissed.

Walking into the office, Kurt was stopped by the receptionist who asked him if she could help him…well…sort of…she'd more so sneered at him and for some reason even scoffed when he said he was there to surprise his husband. When she asked who his husband was he told her it was Blaine Anderson and she actually didn't believe him and accused him of lying! Kurt then demanded she call Blaine right then and tell him that Kurt his HUSBAND was here to surprise him. A few different people had poked their heads out of their offices to look at see what all the commotion was about when Blaine came storming into the room and Kurt turned to smile triumphantly until he realized the anger on Blaine's face seemed directed at HIM as opposed to the bitchy receptionist, Blaine grabbed Kurt's arm in a tight grip and yanked him towards his office with a yell of "KURT WE NEED TO TALK!" Kurt followed behind Blaine brows drawn in confusion, hurt and humiliation as he heard the scoffs and laughter behind him along with a few "You tell him Blaine!" and "Get rid of the little princess!"

Once they were in the office and Blaine closed the door behind him turning a furious gaze on Kurt and crossed his arms "Kurt…what the HELL are you doing here?!" he said in an even voice. Kurt frowned and swallowed hard before lifting the picnic basket and quietly answering "I-I thought I could come an-and surprise you for lunch…I-I made your favorites…" he stuttered setting the basket down on the corner of Blaine's desk and twisting his hands together self-consciously. Blaine pinched between his eyes and huffed before asking "Do you…have ANY idea what you've done? You could have ruined EVERYTHING! As it is I'm going to have to do serious damage control now!" Kurt's breath hitched and his eyes stung, a ball of hurt forming in his stomach "I…Blaine I don't understand…I was just trying-""Exactly Kurt you DON'T understand! No one here knows I'm married, let alone GAY! This entire office is full of homophobes! Why else do you think I told you not to call me at work?!" Blaine ran a frustrated hand over his face. "I-I thought it was just because you were r-really busy during the day or maybe be-because spouses weren't allowed to call unless there was an emergency?" Kurt answered in a small voice before the rest of what Blaine had said sunk in.

Kurt's heart dropped into his stomach as he stared at Blaine in shock "Wait…no one knows you're gay?" he asked and Blaine nodded exasperatedly "No they don't, you'd be amazed how many people, including my boss have more than hinted at being homophobic in this office…So I told them I had a girlfriend…If anyone knew I'd be screwed and I could kiss that promotion I've been busting my ass for goodbye" Kurt's arms wrapped themselves around his midsection as if he was trying to hold himself together " But…how can they not know you're married? You wear a wedding rin-"he cut off when he looked down at Blaine's left hand that was missing the wedding ring that Kurt had slipped on it the day they said 'I do', the ring Blaine had said he'd never ever take off and Blaine shifted uncomfortably before saying "Well I couldn't exactly wear a wedding ring when no one knows I'm married can I?" and pulled moved to his desk to pull the ring out of the top drawer to show Kurt. Tears filled Kurt's eyes and he swiped at them quickly whispering "You're ashamed of me?" Blaine moved back around the desk in front of Kurt and shook his head "No Kurt it's not…You are completely over reacting….It's not the I'm ashamed of you…It's just….I can't have my personal life getting in the way of my work" Kurt stared at Blaine seemingly at a loss before he shook his head dejectedly and sniffled "Right, can't have that, heaven forbid anything get in the way of your precious job. I'll just…I'll just go, I don't know why I even bothered, have a nice lunch Blaine, don't worry I won't come back here again I promise." Blaine apparently didn't notice the sarcasm, or the fact Kurt's eyes were filled with tears because he gave Kurt a grin and exhaled in relief "I knew you'd understand" he answered then continued with "You should probably head home before anyone starts asking questions, but thanks for lunch I'm starving" with a smile Blaine gestured towards the door, with that Kurt hurried out the door and practically ran out of the building trying in vain to ignore the laughs and muttered taunts as people saw him pass by in tears. That night when Blaine got home Kurt was already in bed having cried himself to sleep…again.

During his next phone call to his father he told him everything, about how hurt and humiliated he was and how he wasn't even sure if he wanted to keep trying anymore. Burt was stunned, the Blaine that his son had married would have NEVER lied about who he was, lied about his own marriage to the man he called the 'love of his life' just because of a job. The old Blaine would have told his homophobic boss to go to hell and threatened to sue him for discrimination. But no, new Blaine? New Blaine was willing to hurt Kurt and lie just to get ahead in his job, it would be one thing if they were struggling and he desperately needed his job, but they were getting by just fine with Blaine's old job making half as much as he did currently. Not only that but since Blaine had started his new job he'd had many offers from other firms. The last thing he wanted to tell his son was to give up; to pack his bags and just leave, to tell Blaine what a jackass he'd been, granted at this point it'd probably be a few days before Blaine even realized Kurt was gone, he just hated hearing the pain in his sons' voice. He offered to give Blaine a call and talk to him but Kurt didn't want him to interfere. He spent the next few hours trying to soothe Kurt's hurt and trying to convince him things would get better.

* * *

After his failure attempt at surprising his husband at work, Kurt had barely looked at Blaine the few times he was home, it wasn't until Blaine had tried to ask Kurt if he'd made anything for dinner that he even realized something was seriously wrong with him. Kurt had glanced at Blaine with sad empty eyes lacking that sparkle Blaine had always loved, and shrugged responding with a soft "guess I forgot, normally I eat alone and tonight I just wasn't hungry" before walking defeated into the bedroom crawling into bed and curling into a ball hugging a pillow to his chest with his back to the door. Blaine stared at the doorway to their bedroom with a concerned look on his face before getting up from the table were he'd been working and moved towards the bedroom, he stood in the doorway and looked at the way Kurt was curled up making him look small and vulnerable, if he listened carefully he could hear slight sniffles coming from his husband. He walked in and sat on the bed reaching out to touch Kurt's back but the second he made contact Kurt flinched away from him and Blaine stared at him in shock. "Kurt?" he whispered and reached for him again ignoring the slight flinch at his touch. "I'm fine Blaine, just go back to your work, I know how important it is to you" Kurt answered sadly and Blaine responded with a concerned "Baby…you're crying, what's going on?" Kurt choked out what sounded like a cross between a laugh and sob before turning around to look at Blaine "Really Blaine? Now you notice? Now you care about my feelings?" he asked and Blaine confusedly stared at him saying "What do you mean 'now I notice'? Of course I care!" Kurt just shook his head and rolled back over to face the wall. "It's not as if this is the first night I've cried myself to sleep, maybe you'd know that if you were home more often".

Blaine stared at the back of Kurt's head taking in the shaking shoulders and muffled sobs. "Kurt…that's not fair…You know how hard I work" he tried and Kurt just nodded "Yea, I do. No time for your HUSBAND when you are so busy being a straight hotshot at work" Blaine sighed in frustration "I thought you understood why I had to do that?" he asked "Of course I understand, there's no room for me in this new exciting life you have with your new job, I get it Blaine really I do…by the way you must have forgotten your wedding ring in your desk tonight I guess huh?" with that Blaine looked down at his hand realizing it was bare and winced "Kurt...look…I'm sorry I forgot my ring, but I'm doing all of this for us you know, I work so hard so that we can have a nice life" Kurt finally sat up and stared at Blaine in disbelief "We already HAD a nice life Blaine! Back when you made it home each night for dinner! Back when we actually slept in the same bed! Back when you didn't have to lie about us being married! Hell this is the most we've spoken to each other in months because you are never here, it's like you don't even know I exist anymore!" Kurt cried and Blaine ran a hand over his face in frustration "Kurt, that's not true…You are being over dramatic…sure I've been a little busy lately but-"

Kurt held up a hand to stop him and sighed "You know what? Just forget it, you don't understand. Not like it matters anyways, just because I miss you doesn't mean you have to miss me. It's fine, just go back to work Blaine. I'm tired and I just want to go to bed" with that Kurt laid back down and pulled the covers up to his chin and closed his eyes. Blaine looked at his husband in shock, was that really what Kurt thought about him? That he no longer cared? That was ridiculous! Not only that but him trying to make Blaine feel guilty for working so hard? His job was important! Besides things would settle down a bit once he finally got this promotion. He considered trying to make Kurt talk more but to be honest? He was exhausted and he still had a bunch of paper work he needed to finish tonight, so he simply got up and walked out of the room closing the door behind him. After all Kurt was probably just tired, he'd be better in the morning, maybe he could send him some flowers or something?

The next morning when Kurt woke up Blaine was already at work, and he was half way done washing his dishes from breakfast when he heard a knock at the door and he dried his hands moving to check the peep hole in confusion when he saw someone standing on the other side with a bouquet of flowers in their hand, he opened the door. The boy asked if he was Kurt Anderson and when he nodded he handed over the flowers, the bouquet was beautiful and Kurt brought them to his nose breathing in the sweet smell with a smile. He looked at the card attached and his face lit up in surprise when he saw they were from Blaine, the card said a simple "Kurt, I'm sorry – Love Blaine" and while the message was short Kurt couldn't help the warm fuzzy feeling he got knowing that his husband had taken the time to send him flowers. He couldn't even remember the last time Blaine had gotten him flowers, back before he'd gotten this job every other week Blaine would come home from work and surprise him with a bouquet of flowers and it never ceased to make Kurt smile and blush. Kurt thanked him and shut the door rushing to find a vase and fill it with water to set the flowers in before he picked up the phone to call his father and tell him the good news. Something he said must have gotten through to Blaine last night, with a new spark of hope Kurt decided to continue his plans for their upcoming anniversary in a few days. He'd planned on a romantic dinner with Blaine's favorite meal despite how long it took to make it with champagne and candles…he was sure a night of romance on the anniversary of the day they got married would do wonders for their relationship, bring back some of their old spark and passion. He especially couldn't wait for after dinner…it'd been far too long since he and Blaine had made love, and he was more than excited to spend a night curled up against his husband's strong chest once more.

Little did Kurt know things wouldn't be going the way he planned at all.

* * *

"I just don't know how much longer I can take this dad" Kurt said brokenly into the phone "I don't know how much longer I can keep trying to make this work, I'm trying so hard and it's like he doesn't even notice or care and every day that goes by nothing is getting better and it's breaking my heart". He heard his father let out a sigh "I know son…I know…my heart is breaking right there with you kid, I've never met any couple more in love than you and Blaine, the fact that you are even considering divorce is just…devastating, and as much as I love the kid I can't say I don't understand why, it's hard enough to make a marriage work as it is let alone when only one of you seems to be working on it, just try not to give up…Blaine loves you, I know he does…once the excitement of this new job finally passes I'm sure things will be better just try and hang in there".

"I don't want to give up on Blaine dad…I don't…I love him so much it hurts and the fact that I'm even thinking about the possibility of a life without him is killing me, before he took this job we were talking about starting a family, we'd talked to an adoption agency and everything and we were put on a list just waiting for family to pick us but it's like all of a sudden I don't recognize the man I married anymore, and I can't in good faith bring a baby into something like this, you KNOW how badly I wanted to start a family but I can't do it all on my own anymore and I just can't understand it because we were happy! We were so happy and now I just feel so empty and alone all the time and I'm sick of crying and feeling like I have to beg and scream just to make my own husband remember I exist and I hate it" Kurt's voice cracked at the end of the sentence and tears rolled down his face. "I just…I can't do this anymore dad…this is killing me, I feel like I'm dying inside and my heart is breaking over and over again. I don't know how many more times I can be rejected and disappointed before I lose it. I can't keep doing this to myself; don't I deserve to be happy? Don't I deserve to have someone who at least loves me back? I'm not this person Dad…I'm not this pathetic man who just keeps trying to make his own husband love him only to be continuously made a fool out of". Despite his father telling him not to give up hope and to hold on just another month Kurt couldn't help but feel like the last bit of hope he had for their lives together was gone.

By the time they hung up Kurt didn't feel much better at all, this was one problem talking to his dad couldn't fix. Looking around taking note of the half melted candles and scattered rose petals, the cold dinner on the table and the melted bucket of ice that held the champagne, the neatly wrapped gift and card next to Blaine's place setting with the words 'Happy Anniversary' on the cover, Kurt ran a hand over his face and rubbed at his swollen red eyes before standing up and running his hands down his now crinkled suit and moved around the room putting out the candles. He left everything else where it was, he honestly just didn't have the energy physically or emotionally to even bother. Walking into the bedroom he closed the door behind him and shed his clothes leaving them on the floor not even able to find it in himself to care and moved to Blaine's dresser pulling out a pair of his husbands pajamas and bringing them to his face to inhale the scent of his husband ignoring the tears that filled his eyes he slipped them on and got under the covers pulling a pillow to his chest and squeezing his eyes shut tight as the sobs finally broke through and wracked his body until he cried himself to sleep.

The clock read 1:13am by the time Blaine slipped his key in the door quietly trying his hardest not to wake up his husband who was most likely asleep at this point, last thing he wanted was to once again deal with Kurt trying to make him feel guilty for working late and he just knew Kurt would be pissed at him for wanting to unwind with a couple beers afterwards. So what if he wanted to have a drink with some coworkers after a long day? He busted his ass so that they could have the nice life they had and if he wanted to relax with a few drinks he should be able to right? Sure he probably should have called and let Kurt know his plans but he forgot, and either way it's not like he needed his husband's permission to go out, though he did feel slightly guilty about not being home on time after Kurt had asked him to be home by 6pm when he'd promised he would be, he figured he would just apologize in the morning and buy him some flowers or chocolates or something , they seemed to work really well last time after all. Walking inside he flicked on the lights and looked around nearly dropping his briefcase as he took in the sight before him "Shit…" he whispered as guilt filled his stomach, he set down his jacket and briefcase and moved to the dining room table to pick up the card and gift he saw reading the words 'Happy Anniversary' and he fell into the chair before him.

Raw hot guilt seared through his system and he opened up the card and began reading.

_'My dearest Blaine_

_Today marks the_ 7_th __anniversary of the day you became my husband and we set off on starting the rest of our lives together, and all these years later I am even more in love with you than I was the day we said 'I do'. You are the absolute love of my life Blaine and with each day that passes I love you more and more. You mean everything to me and the day I became your husband was the happiest day of my life. No matter what ever happens I hope you know I will always love you with every breath I take and every beat of my heart till the day I die, you're my soul mate. I may have trouble believing in god, but if there is a heaven I can't imagine it would be able to compete with the feeling I get being in your arms, or the feeling I get when you kiss me. I've never wanted anything but to make you happy, to make you feel loved and I hope to spend the rest of my life doing exactly that. So tonight we celebrate 7 years of marriage, 10 full amazing years together with the hope of many many years to come._

_With all the love in my heart,_  
_Kurt'_

Blaine wiped at his eyes as tears leaked out to run down his face clutching the card in his hand desperately. He'd forgotten their wedding anniversary, he'd forgotten the day he married the love of his life. He'd blown off his own anniversary dinner with his husband to have a couple beers with some of his coworkers, a bunch of homophobic assholes that he didn't even _like_. Looking down at the plate of cold food sitting in front of him he realized Kurt had made his all-time favorite dinner, a complex meal he knew took a good three hours to make, he saw all of the over half way melted candles, the scattered rose petals and the melted ice bucket and the image of an excited Kurt rushing around their apartment trying to make everything perfect popped into his mind as did the devastated look on Kurt's face when he must have realized Blaine wasn't coming home on time…again. He could just see Kurt fidgeting and pacing the floor staring back and forth at the clock and front door for hours trying to convince himself that Blaine was just running a little late, trying to convince himself that his husband hadn't forgotten one of the most important days in their life together. Placing the card on the table he reached for the perfectly wrapped gift opening it carefully making sure not to rip the paper to find a stunning watch engraved with both their names and their anniversary inside a heart and the words 'My missing puzzle piece, I'm complete'.

"What have I done?" he whispered into the silent apartment running a finger lovingly over the engravings on the watch before he took off the one he was wearing and replaced it with the new one. He stood and moved to the bedroom quietly opening the door spotting Kurt curled up in their big bed all alone hugging a pillow to his chest with his back facing the door, upon closer inspection Blaine noticed Kurt was wearing his favorite pair of pajamas and another pang of guilt stung his heart as he remembered the first business trip he'd ever gone on when Kurt had admitted over the phone he was wearing Blaine pajamas to bed because he said they smelled like him and it made him feel closer to him even though they were far away. He pulled out pajamas of his own and changed quickly and quietly before moving to kneel near Kurt's face. He frowned when he saw the tear tracks on Kurt's cheeks and the red swelling around his eyes, the way he gripped the pillow to his chest almost desperately. Blaine tried to remember the last time he and Kurt had fallen asleep together…hell he tried to remember the last time he'd even really kissed him and it broke his heart when he realize he COULDN'T remember, he couldn't even remember the last time he'd told Kurt he loved him. What he did remember was pushing Kurt away each time he tried to hold him when Blaine was looking over papers after work, he remembered Kurt asking him when he was coming to bed and looking crestfallen when he said he'd be up late working and would probably just sleep on the couch, he remembered how many times he missed dinner, he remembered snapping at Kurt that he was too tired every time Kurt tried to be intimate with him the few nights he did come home before Kurt was asleep. He remembered a few nights ago when he'd tried to brush Kurt off as being dramatic when he tried to tell Blaine how upset he was. When had he become this man? How many times was he going to mess up before Kurt finally had enough? When had treating his husband like shit become acceptable to him? This was Kurt, HIS Kurt, who loved him, supported him, who would do anything for him, his husband who kept trying to make their marriage work despite how many times he let him down.

"I promise you Kurt…I'll fix this, I'll fix us. I love you more than anything in this world Kurt and I promise you I'll make this right" he whispered as he caressed his husbands' cheek gently before leaning in to press their lips together savoring in the perfect way their mouths fit together and smiling a bit into the kiss when Kurt subconsciously began to kiss him back slightly. When he pulled away he kissed Kurt once gently on the forehead before whispering into his ear "I love you Kurt" causing his husband to shiver slightly and murmur a sleepy "Love you too B". With one last long look at his loves face he moved back into the dining room closing the door behind him and set to cleaning, the last thing he wanted was for Kurt to wake up and see this reminder of their disaster anniversary. Starting first thing in the morning he would dedicate himself to making this up to Kurt, to being a better husband.


	2. Chapter 2

The following morning Blaine woke up early to get started on his new mission to be a better husband the husband Kurt deserved, first step was calling in sick to work. Next he moved into the kitchen and started making what he knew was Kurt's guilty pleasure breakfast that they'd had the morning after they got married, stuffed french toast with fresh strawberries. He slipped out of the apartment to pick up a bag of Kurt's favorite flavored coffee and a new bouquet of roses to fill up another vase and switch it out with the older one since a couple of the flowers had begun to wilt slightly and he wanted everything perfect. He set the table and served up the food, arranging the strawberries in a heart the same way they'd had it after their wedding night, and brewed a fresh pot of coffee. The second he heard movement in the bedroom he went ahead and poured a cup of hot coffee in Kurt's favorite mug and added a little bit sugar, a ball of anxiety formed in his stomach when the bedroom door opened and a dejected Kurt walked out, hair in disarray, still in his husband's pajama's with sleepy swollen red rimmed eyes and when he entered the kitchen he halted to a stop staring at the set table before his eyes found Blaine.

Blaine watched as Kurt's defenses came up, his eyes hardened slightly, he stood up straight and crossed his arms over his chest. It killed Blaine that at least subconsciously Kurt was trying to protect himself from him, he gave Kurt a sad smile and held out the cup of coffee to him. Kurt stared at him for a moment, not reaching out for the cup before he said "what the hell is all this? what are you even doing here? shouldn't you be at work?". Blaine shook his head and responded with a quiet "I called in sick, I need to be here with you...we really need to talk and I really need to apologize for everything, Kurt I'm so so sorry...there aren't even enough words to tell you how sorry I am, I wouldn't blame you if you hated me. You deserve so much more than what you've been getting from me...I love you so much Kurt, I swear I'm going to make it all up to you"

Kurt sighed heavily running a hand over his face reaching out for the cup of coffee, he took a sip and his lips quirked slightly in surprise when he realized the kind of coffee it was. He raised an eyebrow at Blaine and shook his head "So how was this supposed to work? Let me guess, I was supposed to come out here and just forget everything, completely forgive you just because you made me my favorite coffee and french toast? Do you seriously think any of this is going to make me feel better right now Blaine?" his voice was sad and slightly disbelieving, when he'd woken up this morning he'd laid in bed thinking for while, thinking about the last 8 months, about each disappointment, each night spent alone in tears, last night was the last straw for him. He couldn't do this anymore, he was tired of allowing himself to hope things would be better...different if he just kept trying, as much as he loved Blaine? He didn't like the man he'd become.

Blaine cringed slightly and tried taking a step toward Kurt, hurt when he stepped back keeping a distance between them. "No that's not...I mean...I don't expect you to forgive me just because I made you breakfast but I thought maybe we could eat together and talk?" Kurt gave him a searching look before sitting down and staring at his plate, his mind flashed back to their breakfast after their wedding night and how happy he'd been, how he and Blaine had spent an hour feeding each other in between kisses, every time they'd had this it always brought back memories that used to make him smile. Now however? It just made everything hurt that much more. His eyes stung and he squeezed them shut moving the plate away slightly and putting his head in his hands "I cant do this anymore Blaine" he whispered and looked up from his hands with watery eyes.

Blaine looked at him wide eyed and shook his head frantically "No...Kurt please...I swear things will be different! We can go to counseling! I'll be home from work every night at 5, we can have lunch together everyday...we'll sleep in the same bed, I'll do anything you want just please...PLEASE don't give up on me...on us" Blaine's eyes were filled with tears and tears were slipping down Kurt's face and he looked like he was in agony "Blaine...I don't think you understand just how bad things have been...I've been miserable for 8 months now, and if it wasn't for my dad trying to convince me that things would get better I would have packed my bags and walked away a long time ago. You spent months acting like I didn't exist, months lying about our marriage, months putting your job first...I tried so hard to fix things, so hard trying to convince myself it would get better only to be disappointed over and over again. How do you think it felt to walk into your office to try and put some romance back into our relationship, to try and make things work...do you have any idea how humiliated I was? Listening to people in your office taunt and laugh at me while my own husband does nothing to stand up for me, to have my husband act like I was the one at fault for wanting to do something to try and bring us closer together? only to find out the real reason why you never wanted me to call you at work was because you've been lying about being gay and pretending to be straight...pretending I didn't exist for the last 8 months? You've had other job offer's Blaine. But no apparently you'd rather stay at the job that was ruining our marriage but apparently you didn't care enough to notice."

Blaine tried to interrupt to insist he DID care and that he was an idiot before, to beg Kurt to give him another chance but Kurt kept going "Do you have any idea how it felt to get rejected OVER and OVER and _OVER_ again by my husband who is supposed to love me? Every time I tried to kiss you I got pushed away like some annoying pest, every time I tried to get you to come to bed so we could fall asleep together you blew me off to sleep on the couch while I spent night after night alone crying myself to sleep wondering what I did wrong to make you not want to be near me anymore. Or how it felt to try and try to be intimate with you only to be snapped at, as if making love to your husband was some unpleasant chore, like you couldn't stand the idea of touching me. Do you have ANY idea how it felt to set up everything for our anniversary and spend HOURS staring at the door with a cold dinner and melted candles feeling like the biggest dumb ass on the planet for actually thinking our marriage meant anything to you anymore, that I meant anything to you anymore?...I have felt so unwanted and unloved, so disgusting and unattractive...for 8 months you have made me feel awful about myself...I didn't deserve this Blaine. I have loved you, been faithful to you and always supported you for 10 years now, I have been in love with you since we were in high school...and while I will always love you Blaine...I don't like you much anymore."

With that Kurt stood up leaving both his coffee and the food on the table, along with a stunned and horrified Blaine and left the kitchen to walk into the bedroom, he moved to his closet and grabbed his suitcase. He put in on the bed, unzipped it and began packing up some of his clothes, his computer, and all his toiletries. Blaine walked into the room and stared at him in shock before stuttering out "Kurt? W-what are you doing? Where are you going? Please don't do this... don't leave me" Kurt zipped up his bag and turned to face his husband, taking in the red eyes and tears, Blaine's hand was clutched to his chest over his heart and his breathing was so hitched it seemed as if he was going to hyperventilate "I'm going to stay at a hotel for a while, I need some time to think about all of this, about whether or not I still want to work on this marriage" Kurt said quietly and Blaine shook his head desperately and fell to his knee's in front of him, he clutched at Kurt's hips burying his face in Kurt's stomach. He felt Kurt freeze for a moment before he felt hesitant hands run through his hair gently.

"Please don't leave me, I'm so sorry I hurt you Kurt...I love you so much...please don't leave me...please" Blaine sobbed, despite Kurt's anger, sadness and hurt...he couldn't bare watching the man he loved falling apart in front of him, he knew he needed some time to himself to think about what he wanted to do, to think about his options, whether or not he wanted to find and talk to a divorce attorney ..possibly to find a therapist, while he wasn't ready for counseling with Blaine...he did need to talk to someone impartial, talking to his father had always helped simply because he had someone to talk to so he wasn't keeping his hurt to himself but his dad also loved Blaine and genuinely wanted them to work things out so talking to him didn't help much, he needed to talk to someone who didn't have any feelings involved with them who could help him sort through all of this, and THEN maybe he could start bringing Blaine with him to work on things. He moved Blaine's face to look at him and whispered a soft "Come here" and Blaine stood up on shaky legs still clutching Kurt desperately, Kurt cupped Blaine's face in his hands and wiped at his tears, Blaine kept whispering "please".

"Don't cry Blaine...I hate seeing you cry" Kurt said sadly and Blaine turned his head slightly to kiss Kurt's hand and moved forward to press a gentle kiss to Kurt's face and Kurt's hands fell to his shoulders, over and over he pressed soft kisses to Kurt's skin, Kurt's eyes were closed with tear's leaking out of them as he stood unresponsive, Blaine kissed Kurt's lips then pulled back to stare at Kurt's face which remained unresponsive before surging forward again and kissed his husband harder trying to get a response, over and over he kissed Kurt, he ran his tongue over Kurt's lower lip before sucking it into his mouth and he felt Kurt's body tremble, when he pulled away he whispered against Kurt's lips "kiss me back Kurt...I love you..._please_ kiss me back" his pleading paired with another desperate kiss broke through Kurt defenses and he seemed to melt under Blaine's touch. One of his hands moved up to tangle into Blaine's hair and suddenly he was kissing Blaine back frantically, it'd been so long...so long since he'd been kissed like this by his husband, a deep wave of desire was running through Kurt's veins and when Blaine hand slipped down to cup his ass and forcefully pull their hips together causing Kurt to break from the kiss with a breathy moan and Blaine attached his lips to his neck nipping at the sensitive skin there and sucking dark love bites into Kurt's pale flesh. Kurt's mind had completely shut down and all he could do was feel.

Blaine used his body to move Kurt back towards the bed away from the suitcase and laid him down settling over his husband. Kurt felt like Blaine was everywhere, his heart was pounding in his chest, Blaine's hips were moving against his and he could feel the heat coiling in his stomach making him tremble with pleasure, it'd been too long since he'd had this feeling, since he'd felt this intense desire and passion between himself and his husband. While part of him was screaming to stop before things got to far, there was another part of him that so desperately wanted and needed this, he'd craved Blaine for months, craved his touch and his kiss, craved the feelings of love and closeness. Blaine quickly yanked off his shirt and helped Kurt slip off his before pulling their chest's together skin to skin. He desperately wanted to feel wanted by Blaine, to feel that spark between them that they'd always had together up till a few months ago.

They rocked together, skin slicked with sweat, mouth's meeting passionately Kurt was overwhelmed with all the sensations and when Blaine reached between them to palm at Kurt's erection whispering a hot "come on baby, cum for me", he was struck with the reality of what was happening, as much as he wanted this...if they slept together and he still left, things would feel so much worse for the both of them, and he didn't want to just give in to Blaine either because he was starved for affection, they needed to work things out and not just jump right back into sleeping together like nothing was wrong. "Wait...Blaine stop" Kurt said pushing at Blaine's chest. Blaine moved back with a furrowed brow "What's wrong? What is it?" he asked.

Kurt took Blaine's face in his hands "I just...Blaine we cant do this...I want to, believe me I want to...but it's not fair to either of us if we don't know where we stand right now. I want you so much, but I still need time to think about things, we still need to work on things and if we do this, I'm afraid we might regret sleeping together again too soon, the next time we make love I want it to be because we love each other and not because you are desperate to make me stay and I'm starved for affection". A tear slipped from Blaine's eye and he sighed resting his forehead against Kurt's "I love you, I'll do anything to make this work Kurt...anything you want, anything you need...just say the word and it's yours. Promise me you will think about us, about me...give me a chance to fix this, I cant live without you Kurt...your the love of my life...Please don't shut me out".

Kurt pressed their lips together once more "I'll think about everything you said Blaine, I want to talk to a therapist and get my head together so I can sort out my feelings...I hope you mean everything you are saying Blaine because if I give you a chance...you need to know that it's the last one you are going to get, I cant handle any more let downs...up till now I was actually considering divorce, but if you're serious about trying to fix things, I'll hold off on talking to a lawyer" Kurt admitted. Blaine looked heartbroken and he lifted himself off Kurt and sat next to him burying his head in his hands before looking over at Kurt with tears in his eyes "Divorce? you were going to...I cant..." he sobbed and buried his head in his hands again. Kurt sat up and hesitated slightly before placing a hand on Blaine's thigh.

Blaine lifted his head and stared at Kurt's hand, he stared at the ring on Kurt's hand for a moment before taking Kurt's hand in his and running his finger over the ring. "You know Kurt...when we got married I promised to love you every day till the day I die, in good times and bad, in sickness and in health, I vowed to always love, honor and cherish you...I know that since I got this job I haven't been the husband you deserve, I know I'm hurt you, and let you down...but I swear to you with everything in me...That I love you more than anything in this world, more than my job, this apartment, more than life itself... you are the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, and I will never EVER give up on us or what we have. So you take the time you need, do what you have to do, but just know that I will be here waiting for you. I'll do whatever it takes to prove to you that I mean everything I've said".

The two of them got dressed, each of their eyes lingering on one another. Once they were dressed Kurt asked Blaine if he would drive him to the hotel so that he would know all the details of where Kurt was staying just in case. Blaine sigh sadly but agreed and took Kurt's suitcase in hand holding out his other hand for Kurt to hold, Kurt laced their fingers together with a soft smile staring at their intertwined hands. Blaine put Kurt's suitcase in the car and opened up his door for him, reminding Kurt of when they first started dating. On their way to the hotel Blaine held Kurt's hand across the console, and at each red light he lifted their joined hands to his lips to press a soft kiss to Kurt's hand, whispering a soft "I love you" each time. At the hotel Blaine made sure Kurt got the best room they had and paid for it himself. He walked Kurt to his room and set his suitcase by the door watching Kurt silently as he looked around the room with a sad smile before turning to face Blaine.

Blaine held out his arms for Kurt who stepped into them and tucked his face into Blaine's neck allowing his husband to hold him close. "I love you Kurt, call me before you go to sleep please okay?" Blaine said quietly. Kurt sniffled and nodded pulling back slightly to see Blaine's face "I will, even though I'm staying here for a while...I need to know you are thinking about me...call me, text me...anything. Just because I'm here doesn't mean I want to cut off all contact." Blaine pressed a kiss to Kurt's forehead and caressed Kurt's cheek with the back of his hand "Tell me you still love me Kurt..._please_ I need to hear you say it" he asked his eyes watering slightly and Kurt leaned back into his neck, his breath brushing over Blaine's ear causing him to shiver and whispered against his ear "of course I still love you...despite all of it...I love you _so much_ Blaine". Blaine kissed Kurt hungrily trying to put as much emotion as he could into the kiss to make sure that Kurt could still feel just how much Blaine loved him.

With tears in their eyes they shared a sad goodbye "for now" Blaine insisted, and Blaine left to head back to his empty apartment to think about everything that had lead up to this, everything he'd done to cause his husband to doubt him, to cause his husband to need to get away from him to think about things. He was the reason Kurt now needed to see a therapist, he'd emotionally damaged his husband so much that Kurt couldn't handle his pain anymore on his own... He'd made his husband consider divorce...of everything that hit him the hardest, that made him understand just how deeply he'd hurt Kurt, just how much he'd screwed up the best thing that had ever happened to him. That night he laid in bed with his phone in his hand waiting for Kurt to call. While he was waiting he decided that first thing in the morning, he was quitting his job, he would tell everyone at the office he was married and had a husband he loved more than anything and that quite frankly they just weren't worth his time anymore. He'd make a few phone calls to some of the other companies that had offered him jobs over the last few months, with essentially the same pay, and more importantly much better hours. When his phone rang with Kurt's ring tone he answered immediately. It was time to woo his husband again, time to prove to him that he could be the man Kurt needed him to be, the man Kurt deserved. With a smile on his face, the re-courting of his husband began.

"Hello my love..."

* * *

A/N: Ok there you go, another chapter. Please read and review. Hate not wanted here ok? I'm doing the best I can with what I have despite everything I have going on right now. So if you have nothing nice to say... don't say anything at all. To everyone else? You're reviews make my day and make everything not seem so bad. :) I appreciate them SO much and I love you all.

-Razzle Jazzle


	3. Chapter 3

That night, Kurt fell asleep with a smile on his face for the first time in months. The last words he heard before he fell asleep had been "Goodnight Kurt, just remember...I love you, always and forever until the day I die". He could only hope and pray that Blaine meant it when he said he'd work on this, because if things went right back to the way they were...Kurt didn't know if he could bare the heartache. Back at their apartment Blaine fell asleep on Kurt's side of the bed with his face nestled into Kurt's pillow taking comfort in the lingering scent of his husband, it had taken him a long time to finally fall asleep, it just wasn't the same in the bed without Kurt...but Blaine had to remember, he'd forced Kurt to sleep alone in this bed for months. He vowed that once Kurt was back in his arms he would never sleep anywhere but their bed again.

The following morning Blaine got up and got dressed, and set off to his soon to be ex-workplace determined to tell everyone the truth and quit. At one he was heading over to another company to meet with them about his new job, to his surprise they were so excited to hear from him that they offered him a position that was technically the position he'd been trying to get at his current company. Looks like he'd be getting that promotion after all, better hours, more money and with a company that had no problem with his sexuality.

He walked into the office with his ring planted firmly on his finger and walked directly up to his bosses office and quit. After a few minutes of arguing he walked into his office and began packing his things, as people walked by they stopped to ask him what was going on and he just simply said "I quit, I love my husband too much and this job isn't worth my marriage and dealing with the homophobic assholes I've had to put up with here". Needless to say his coworkers had been shocked, and on his way out he stopped by the man who he had called his husband a 'little princess' and 'fairy', and punched him right across the face before continuing through the door yelling over his shoulder "That's for calling my husband a princess and fairy, you should be more careful, some of us 'fairies' fight back." His heart was pounding in his chest and was having trouble believing that he'd really just quit his job and punched his coworker who two days ago he'd had beer's with.

Blaine was about to head to a coffee shop before he stopped and decided this would be a good opportunity to spend some quality time with his husband and tell him about what had happened this morning, he took out his cell phone to call Kurt, it rang twice before Kurt answered.

"Hello?" Kurt answered sounding far too 'sad' for Blaine's liking.

"Good morning my wonderful beautiful love!" Blaine chirped happily.

"Good morning B" Kurt giggled and Blaine could tell just by his voice that he was blushing.

"I was calling to ask if it would be alright if I picked you up to take you out for coffee and I supposed right now it would technically be Brunch? I want to take my amazing husband on a date."

"Really?" Kurt asked hopefully and it struck Blaine that this was probably the first time in 8 months he'd asked his husband out on a date.

"Really, so what do you say? Can I head on over?"

"Yes! I mean, sure that sounds great...I'll just change really quick, how far away are you?"

"About 10-15 minutes"

"Did you not go to work today?" Kurt asked curiously

"I'll tell you about it at lunch babe, you go ahead and get ready I'm on my way"

"Alright, see you soon"

"I'll see you soon, I love you Kurt"

"I love you too Blaine" Kurt answered softly and Blaine could practically see the shy smile he knew was on Kurt's face.

They hung up and Blaine turned his car around to head towards the hotel Kurt was staying at, he stopped to buy his husband one single long stemmed rose and once he got to the hotel he parked and moved his stuff to the back of the car so Kurt could sit in the passenger side. He got out and made his way to Kurt's room to knock on the door and when Kurt opened it he gave Blaine and the rose a wide smile . Blaine stepped closer and handed the rose to Kurt, he was about to reach for Kurt when he hesitated slightly and cautiously asked "Am I allowed to kiss you?", Kurt nodded with a soft smile and stepped into Blaine's open arms. Blaine pulled Kurt in close and slanted their lips over one another, the kiss deepened and Blaine both heard Kurt whimper slightly and seemingly go weak in the knees forcing Blaine to wrap his arms around Kurt's waist to hold him steady. Kurt pulled back and buried his face in his husbands neck breathing deeply, Blaine pressed a gentle kiss against his temple.

"Are you ready to go?" Blaine asked softly and Kurt nodded separating from Blaine long enough to link their hands together. They walked hand in hand to Blaine's car and he opened up the door for Kurt. They sat in relative silence while Blaine headed towards a little cafe he knew Kurt would like, glancing over at his husband he saw him staring down at the rose in his hands seemingly lost in thought. He thought back to the flowers he had sent to Kurt after the night that Kurt had tried to talk to him about how miserable he was.

"Is everything OK?" He asked and Kurt looked up and nodded with a small smile.

"Yea, I'm fine just... lost in thought I guess."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Blaine asked cautiously and Kurt let out a long sigh.

"It's just...part of me thinks it'd be so easy to just fall right back into your arms and pretend the last eight months didn't happen...but they _did _happen and I'm still upset, I'm still hurt, it still bothers me that it took this long for you to realize what was happening. I feel torn. I love you so much, I always have. I just hate how hard this is. I don't _want _to make this harder for you because I hate seeing you in pain but it's just..." Kurt sniffled and ran a hand over his face miserably.

Blaine had stayed quiet while Kurt spoke, and while he hated to admit it, he understood where his husband was coming from. Keeping in mind his plan to woo his husband back into his arms he reached over and grabbed Kurt's hand pressing a kiss to his knuckles before saying "Kurt, I love you...more than anything in this world. Let me worry about how hard this is going to be on me, let me worry about fixing what I broke...none of this was your fault Kurt, it was mine. Now it's time for you to focus on yourself and what makes you happy and let me worry about everything else okay?"

Kurt nodded slightly and gave Blaine's hand a squeeze. Last night when they'd gotten off the phone he'd cradled it to his chest and let the tears flow from his eyes. It had felt wonderful, having his husbands full and undivided attention, he felt like they were back in high school and could spend hours talking about anything and everything under the sun. But at the same time, he couldn't help but think back to the last few months. While Blaine may be aware now that Kurt had been miserable for months...it shouldn't have taken eight months for it to occur to him that he needed to be a proper husband and not treat Kurt the way he had. It shouldn't have taken eight months and a complete emotional break down from Kurt, and completely destroying Kurt's self esteem for the light bulb to go off in his head that things weren't okay.

As wonderful as Blaine suddenly trying was, Kurt couldn't help but wonder...why? Why didn't he notice? Why didn't he care? And every time he wondered _why _he couldn't help but feel angry and hurt. That morning he'd laid in bed, alone as always...just...thinking. About everything, about how he felt, about Blaine and the things he'd said and promised, about where he wanted to go from here. He knew he needed some type of therapy because when he thought back to the individual moments of the last few months he hadn't realized just how awful he really felt about himself. So he couldn't allow himself to get caught up in the excitement of having his husbands attention again, in feeling loved for the first time in months. Because if he didn't deal with the bad feelings and the hurt, and just kept pushing them away they would eventually grow into a deep resentment.

When they got to the cafe' Blaine stepped out of the car and moved around to the other side to open the door for Kurt. Hand in hand they walked inside both lost in thought. Once seated at the table they each ordered coffee and some food, Kurt finally looked up into his husbands eyes and gave him a slight smile attempting to push away his depressing thoughts.

"So...you said you needed to tell me something?" he asked lightly and Blaine nodded.

"Yes I do, umm...well this morning I...I went to the office and quit my job. I told off my boss, told everyone I was gay and married to you and then I punched Derrick across the face... he was the one who called you those names when you came over that day"

Kurt's face held a look of complete shock and he stuttered out "W-what?! Y-You actually _quit_ your job? Are you serious? B-but _why_?"

Blaine nodded slightly and took Kurt's hand in his from across the table and turned it over to trace the lines of Kurt's palm. "Very serious and why? Because you mean so much more to me than any stupid job at a homophobic company. I have a meeting with one of the companies that offered me a job a few weeks ago, not only are they known to be gay-friendly, it turns out they were so excited to hear from me they offered me the position I had been working so hard for at my old company...only with better hours and better pay, the meeting later is just to sign some paper work and hash out the details."

"That...wow...that is amazing Blaine, congratulations" Kurt said softly with a small smile. While part of him wanted to snap 'why didn't you take the job weeks ago when it was first offered!' he was both happy and proud of his husband for leaving the job that had essentially destroyed their marriage. With the promise of not only better pay but better hours, a spark of hope filled Kurt's heart that this might seriously solve one of their major problems, the lack of time together. While it didn't fix their problems...it was a massive step in the right direction.

"I know it doesn't make things right between us or change the fact that I haven't been a very good husband to you...but I hope that this at least shows you how serious I am about making things work. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you Kurt, I love you with everything I have in me. Better hours means a lot more time at home and most importantly, with _you_."

A blush lit Kurt's face and he looked into his husbands eyes seeing only love and affection whirling in their depths. "I love you too Blaine. So much. I'm really glad you decided to switch companies. I think this will be really good for us. Yes it doesn't fix things but it is definitely a step in the right direction."

Their waiter showed up interrupting their conversation and set down their plates. The two started eating their meals in a comfortable silence, Kurt was currently attempting to fight off a smile due to his husbands apparent desire to play footsie under the table the way they did back in high school.

"Blaine! Will you cut that out! That tickles!" he whispered out trying to move his leg away from his husbands wandering foot that was currently trying to slide up the back of his calf. Blaine winked at Kurt and shot him a mischievous grin which caused Kurt to let out a huff of barely concealed laughter "You are impossible Blaine Anderson"

"That's Anderson-_Hummel _babe, forever and always." He replied with a softer smile leaning over the table to press a soft kiss to Kurt's mouth.

Once they parted and Blaine sat back down in his seat Kurt let out a happy sigh. Once they finished their meals Blaine paid the bill and took Kurt's hand in his lacing their fingers together and walked out of the cafe. Since Blaine still had a while before he needed to head to his meeting he pulled Kurt to walk down the street as opposed to heading straight towards the car, at Kurt's confused look he shrugged and said "I'm not ready to be away from you yet...so I thought maybe we could check out some of these fun little shops here, is that okay? If you aren't up to it I can take you back to the hotel if you want, we could spend some time together there...or if you don't want me there that's okay too I guess, I mean I would understand if you just-" he was cut off by Kurt pressing their lips together in a sweet and gentle kiss.

"You can stop babbling Blaine, the shops sound like a fun idea. I'm not ready to be away from you yet either" Kurt said giving the hand in his a reassuring squeeze.

Blaine let out a relieved sigh and nodded before pecking Kurt once more on the lips and turning back towards the street swinging their hands together. The first store they entered was was looked like a quirky antique shop, the second seemed to be some sort of natural and organic body care store with various soaps, lotions and other products which Kurt seemed to find interesting as he dragged Blaine along throughout the store to test and examine each item that caught his eye babbling excitedly until Blaine finally motioned to the sales girl who offered them a basket to hand one over so he could get Kurt the things he wanted.

Kurt let out a slight squeal and turned to his husbands asking a quick "Blaine do you remember a few years ago when they stopped making my favorite Mango Butter- Goat Milk lotion and face cream?"

It took Blaine a second to understand the question but he nodded and responded "Of course I remember, not only did I love the way that stuff smelled but you spent two months trying to hunt down any bottles of it you could find on amazon and ebay. I don't think you ever found a lotion that you said could compare right?"

Kurt gave Blaine a surprised smile and nodded "I cant believe you remembered all that but yes, exactly. The lotion I use now still isn't anything like my old one but I think I just found what could be my old lotions twin! _and_ it has a matching face cream! It smells almost identical and looking at the ingredient list they have all the important ingredients in common, in fact this one might even be better...it has some of the things I wish had been in the old one! _Plus _all the ingredients are organic!" He bounced excitedly.

Blaine chuckled and held out the basket so Kurt could place the lotion inside before reaching for the shelf himself and adding a jar of the face cream to it giving Kurt a wink. They spent almost an hour in the store, and honestly Blaine would have willing spent hours more if only to keep that excited sparkle in Kurt's eyes. More than once Kurt had flushed embarrassingly and asked Blaine if he wanted to go but Blaine just shook his head and told him to go ahead and shop to his hearts content because it was on him. He offered his opinion occasionally and each time he noticed Kurt check the price of something and put it back on the shelves he'd grab it back and add it to the cart anyways. Eventually he brought up the basket filled to the brim of brand new all organic products for everything you could possibly think of. Once he paid he handed the bag to Kurt with a smile and stumbled back slightly when his husbands launched himself into his arms for a tight hug and a quiet "Thank you".

He pulled back slightly and smiled "You are very welcome, it's been way too long since I spoiled you properly and with everything you do for me and everything I've put you through the last couple months you definitely deserve it. I know buying you things wont make it better, but it's beyond worth it to see that smile on your face"

With the decision to come back and search through the rest of the stores another day they went back to the car and headed towards the hotel Kurt was staying at. Blaine followed Kurt up to his room and when they came inside Kurt took his bag into the bathroom to switch out all the products with his new ones humming under his breath while Blaine sat down on the bed watching him in amusement. When Kurt finished he turned and walked back towards Blaine till he was standing in front of him on the bed, Blaine reached up and settled his hands on his husbands hips and tugging him closer to hug him around the middle. Kurt ran a comforting hand through the hair at the nape of his neck.

He'd missed this. Feeling like he could touch his husband without a negative reaction, feeling wanted and adored. He missed the way it felt to have Blaine pull him close and hold him like he didn't want to let him go. Missed the way it felt to have Blaine look at him the way he had all day, as if Kurt was his entire universe. Kurt nudged Blaine's face up to meet his before asking "Do you need to leave soon or do we still have some time to spend together?"

Blaine checked his watch and saw he had about 30 minutes before he had to leave, fortunately the hotel wasn't very far from where he needed to be. "I've got about a half hour before I need to leave, why whats up did you want to do something?" He asked curiously and Kurt flushed slightly twisting his hands together self consciously making Blaine curious "Well...I just...ummm...I thought maybe...I-I mean" he stuttered out and Blaine took Kurt hands in his trying to soothe him and motioned for his husband to continue so Kurt squeezed his eyes shut taking a deep breath and said "I was just wondering if we could..well...god this is going to sound so pathetic..."

"Kurt? Baby just tell me what you want, this is me; _Blaine_. You can ask me anything" he tried to reassure and finally heard Kurt mumble out something softly. "I didn't really catch that sweetheart I need you to say it a little louder"

"What I was trying to say was...Do you think we can just..well...could we cuddle until you have to leave? I just, I really miss the way you used to hold me" Kurt admitted casting his eyes at the floor while his face burned with embarrassment, he felt pathetic. What kind of person has to ask their significant other for a cuddle?

Blaine heart clenched a bit at the realization his husband actually thought he needed to _ask_ if they could cuddle together, and seemed _embarrassed _to ask, what was the word he used again? 'Pathetic' Kurt had said he was going to sound 'pathetic' just because he wanted to ask his husband to cuddle with him? Then again...when was the last time he'd laid in bed with his husband and pulled him into his arms to hold him? Months? Blaine quickly kicked off his shoes and moved back on the bed so that he was laying down and tugged on Kurt's hand, Kurt seemed to quickly snap out of his embarrassment and silently move to join him. Blaine arranged them so that Kurt's face was parallel to his and they could look into one another's eyes and tangled their legs together pulling Kurt tight up against his body and holding him with both arms.

"Baby you don't ever need to be embarrassed to want to cuddle with your husband, my arms were made to hold you in them. It's were you belong, I'm so sorry if I ever made you doubt that" Blaine whispered sadly before he leaned up to kiss Kurt on the forehead and then on the lips. A tear slipped from Kurt's eye and he squeezed them shut leaning forward to rest his forehead against Blaine's with a sigh. He wondered just how long it would take for that voice in the back of his head to stop making him second guess everything between him and his husband.

A half hour later Blaine was regretfully untangling himself and Kurt, who walked him to the door with an adorable pout on his face wishing he could have some more cuddle time because a half hour was no were near enough. Blaine pulled Kurt into a deep kiss and once the two pulled away he told Kurt he'd call him after the meeting and let him know how things went. After Blaine left Kurt laid back on the bed thinking, mostly he was wondering if he should go back home or not, his only concern was that if he did they would be jumping back into things too fast...but at the same time this whole thing had started because they weren't spending enough time together...so wasn't living apart sort of counter productive to fixing that? Especially now that Blaine's new job meant he'd be home more often and they could be using the time he now had on working on their marriage.

All of it was just way too complicated and confusing. With a sigh Kurt took out his phone and text Blaine quickly telling him to make sure he'd be free Thursday after work and made a call to the marriage counselor he'd been debating on calling for a while now. He was sure he needed some form of therapy himself just to deal with his fairly severe insecurities and self doubt, not to mention that the extra help would be beneficial to getting him and Blaine back to were they were before all this started, or maybe even better. He made an appointment with her himself after discussing the reasoning behind the therapy, his appointment would be during the day on Wednesday and then on Thursday he and Blaine would have joint therapy. Once he hung up he ran a hand over his face and looked around the room before he decided to pack his stuff and head back home.

He checked out of the hotel and took a cab back to their apartment, he was in the middle of unpacking when his phone rang. He picked it up and saw that Blaine was calling which must have meant the meeting was over and he answered "Hello?" he answered. "Hey beautiful, I just got out of my meeting. Everything went great and I start on Monday so I still have the rest of this week off to spend with you...did you want me to come back to the hotel?" Blaine asked in a hopeful voice.

"No that's OK" Kurt said "Actually I umm...well I decided to come back home, I'm in our bedroom unpacking right now"

"Really?!" Blaine said happily and Kurt smiled "Really B, I'm home. I'll see you when you get here"

They shared goodbyes and I love you's before they hung up and Kurt moved to the kitchen to look through their drawer of take out menu's, honestly cooking was just the last thing on his mind at the moment and he had a serious craving for Chinese food. He was just trying to decide what he definitely wanted when he heard Blaine open the front door and yell "Kurt? Kurt are you here?!"excitedly and he giggled before shouting out "In the kitchen B". Blaine walked into the kitchen and found Kurt leaning over a Chinese food menu over the counter so he slid behind him and wrapped his arms around Kurt's waist from behind before leaning forward to press a kiss to the back of his neck.

"You have no idea how happy I am that you're here, when you told me I couldn't wait to come home" he said softly resting his chin over Kurt's shoulder to see what he was looking at.

"I'm glad. I just decided that the best thing for us to work on our relationship is for us to be together to actually work on it. I'm taking a leap of good faith here for you quitting your job. That proved to me how serious you are about working on our marriage. Not to mention I had a really good time with you today" Kurt admitted.

Blaine squeezed Kurt a little tighter in response and turned his head to press a kiss to his neck, this just reaffirmed to him that quitting his job right off the back was the right thing to do. He looked back over Kurt's shoulder at the menu and said "I had a great time with you today too sweetheart. Whether I deserve it or not, I'm so thankful you are putting your faith in me. Being without you is never an option for me Kurt. You're my husband, I'm yours forever and always...that's just how it's supposed to be. You're my soul mate and I'm never letting you go"

Kurt smiled tearfully at that and turned in Blaine arms to face him so that his back was up against the counter, he took Blaine's face in his hands and caressed his face with his thumbs and whispered simply "I love you so much" before slanting their lips together for a deep kiss. Blaine groaned into Kurt's mouth and kissed him back passionately pressing him against the counter and running one hand up his back while the other moved under his shirt to rest on the skin of his lower back, dipping the tips of his fingers into the waistband of Kurt's jeans.

"I love you too...and..wow...just wow" Blaine whispered and dropped his forehead to Kurt's shoulder and Kurt turned his face to nuzzle into Blaine's hair with a small grin. He turned back around to look at the menu and leaned back against Blaine's chest comfortably lifting the menu for him to see.

"Does Chinese food sound okay for tonight? I'm having a craving and honestly I have no desire to cook right now" Kurt said and Blaine nodded and told him that Chinese sounded great and to go ahead and order what ever he wanted while he went ahead and took a quick shower and changed out of his suit and tie into something more comfortable.

Kurt nodded and accepted the quick peck on the lips Blaine gave him with a smile before picking up the phone and calling their favorite Chinese take out place. He ended up ordering the same thing they always ordered, Shrimp and Scallops with Vegetables in Lobster sauce, Cashew Chicken, Vegetable Chow Mein and Cream Cheese Wantons, Kurt always steamed some white rice at home figuring it was pointless to order it when they had it in the pantry. Once he hung up he walked into the living room and looked through the DVD's they had in their movie case and picked out Moulin Rouge, Leap Year, How to lose a guy in 10 days, The Holiday, and Beauty and the Beast, then walked into the bedroom to find Blaine in pajama bottoms with no top rubbing a towel over his hair the way Kurt had told him a million times in the past _not _to do.

"You know that rubbing curly hair with a towel just makes it poofy and frizzy Blaine, I've told you a million times yet you keep doing it then you always complain about how frizzy your curls get" Kurt said amused shaking his head at his husband who looked up and him sheepishly taking the towel off his head and touching his hair finding it a frizzy mess causing him to pout at Kurt who snorted and grabbed his arm dragging him to the bathroom and when Blaine went to reach for his tube of gel but Kurt snatched it out of his hands and placed it out of his reach.

"No gel, I wish you'd stop using it, you know I love your natural curls and when you put that junk in it I cant run my hands through it...plus it's so bad for your hair. Now let me put the good stuff in it and show you how much better your hair can look" Kurt said and moved Blaine to stand in front of him and grabbing some of the stuff they had bought earlier that day and working a small amount into his hair gently twirling the curls with his fingers lightly so they formed together properly.

"There, now let it air dry and you'll just have soft touchable curls that I can put my hands through and will still look wonderful" Kurt said turning Blaine to the mirror to show him and watched as his eyebrows raised in surprise at the tame touchable looking frizz free curls that now topped his head. He turned back to Kurt with a smile and kissed him softly whispering "thank you" against his lips before he grabbed his gel and threw his gel in the trash.

"Okay I give, tomorrow will you teach me how to do whatever you just did?" He asked and Kurt grinned and nodded before letting his eyes trail down Blaine's bare chest as if he just realized that his husband wasn't wearing a shirt.

Blaine smirked slightly at Kurt and placed his hands on his hips "Like what you see baby?" he murmured and Kurt's eyes shot up and he blushed nodding slightly before quickly moving out of the bathroom and into the living room, mentally cursing himself for running away from his husband like a coward. Kurt was frustrated with himself, but seeing Blaine shirtless in front of him so casually had immediately reminded Kurt of just how self conscious he felt about his own body. He didn't use to be, but sometime around the 10th time Blaine had rejected him, he'd spent almost two hours naked in front of a mirror scrutinizing every inch of his body wondering what was wrong with him and why Blaine didn't want him anymore, what made him so undesirable? Surely his body hadn't changed that much since they got married had it? But the longer he spent in front of the mirror the worst he felt about himself and eventually he'd broken down in tears and curled up in a ball naked on the bathroom floor with a broken heart.

Blaine started after him confused and grabbed a plain white cotton Tshirt and followed Kurt out into the living room. Upon entering the room Kurt's eyes shot up to him and he gave Blaine a shy slightly distracted smile before motioning to the DVD's on the coffee table.

"How does a movie marathon to go with our Chinese food sound?" Kurt asked and Blaine smiled sitting down next to him and looked at their movie options "So which one do you want to watch first?" He asked curiously and Kurt made what Blaine liked to call his 'hard thinking face' "How about...The Holiday first then Leap year, then How to lose a guy in 10 days then Beauty and the beast and THEN last but not least Moulin Rouge? Sound okay?" Kurt asked holding up The Holiday and Blaine plucked it out of his hands to put it in and was about to go sit back down when he heard a knock at the door and motioned for Kurt to stay seated and snagged his wallet out of his coat pocket to pay for the Chinese food and brought it all into the living room and set it on the table, Kurt went into the kitchen quickly and scooped some white rice into two bowls and carried them over to the table handing one to Blaine and they started dividing up the food. Cuddled up against one another with bowls filled to the brim and chopstix in their hands Kurt and Blaine pressed play to begin their movie marathon.

It would be much later that night when Blaine would look over and find his husband fast asleep leaning against his shoulder, he slowly moved out from under him and shut off the TV before quickly picking up their left overs and putting them in the kitchen. He came back and scooped Kurt into his arms lifting him carefully and carried him back to their bedroom putting him into bed and pulling the blankets up over him. He was about to move back to the living room when Kurt grabbed his hand and whispered "Stay" and moved the blanket's back to let Blaine climb in next to him. With a smile and tears in his eyes he slid in next to his husband and wrapped his arms around him. They shared a sweet kiss and fell asleep curled up together, and for the first time in eight months they both slept peacefully with a warm glow of love and contentment filling their hearts.


	4. Author's Note

I'm sorry to give you false hope of another update but I just wanted to address the apparent belief everyone seems to have that I'm 'giving up' on this story or 'not writing it anymore' or that it's ending any time soon.

Not one of those assumptions are even close to correct. I have 4-5 multi chapter stories in the work, meaning I cant dedicate all of my time to just one, I have to work on all of them so it does take me a while because I am trying to make my chapters between 5,000 and 10,000 words each. So that means I'm trying to write somewhere between 25,000 and 50,000 words in a month or so, and I don't know if you've ever tried to force inspiration but it doesn't really work that way. It takes a while, the entire creative process takes a while. Mind you I'm also working on my own novel...I have 6 of them that I've been working on for over 8 years now. I've got notebooks and notebooks of ideas, story lines, chapter ideas etc.

Soooo I guess what I'm trying to say is... Stop freaking out people! Doing this takes time, I'm trying my best to get stuff out as fast as I can so unless I post a note saying "I'm done writing and I give up on this story" don't think I have. I also had to get another computer recently because my old one I had been working on...finally died...it had been broken for a long time and a lot of stuff got deleted. There are someday's I don't write but that's normally after a bad review that kinda just dampened my spirit and made me think I was horrible at it so I end up having a little pity party for myself, then I get over it and start writing again because at the end of the day it's my passion, my outlet, my therapy...my life.

So on that note, no worries loves, I'm not going anywhere :)

Love & Klainebow's for all!  
-Jazzy


	5. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee nor it's characters..I just take them out to play sometimes ;)**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

*Flashback*

_Kurt stood naked in front of the bathroom mirror with tears in his eyes scrutinizing his body. He just didn't understand. Why didn't Blaine want him anymore? The first few times his husband had turned him down he'd mentally told himself that Blaine was just tired...he was working too hard and maybe tomorrow he could try again. After all they'd never gone this long without sleeping together, it'd been almost three months now. So over and over again he tried everything he could think of to spark his husbands interest, but instead of enticing his husband, it seemed he was just irritating him._

_This last time had broken him, completely and totally shattered his heart, they'd been lying in bed and Kurt had slid over and started kissing his husbands neck whispering how much he wanted him into his ear and Blaine had moved away saying "Kurt knock it off" Kurt tried to slid an arm around his husbands waist to pull him closer but instead of turning around and kissing him back Blaine had huffed and got out of bed angrily grabbing his pillow and saying "Seriously Kurt? I'm not interested okay? I'm tired, and if you cant keep your hands or mouth to yourself I'll just go sleep on the couch" and he stormed out of the room slamming the door behind him while Kurt sat frozen on the bed with tears slipping down his face._

_He hugged himself around the middle choking back sobs. Not interested? Blaine wasn't interested in him anymore? He'd cried himself to sleep alone in bed._

_The next morning Blaine had been gone when he got up and he'd shuffled into the bathroom for his shower trying to hold back the sadness threatening to overwhelm him. While the water washed away his tears, he ran over what had happened in his head again trying to understand what he'd done wrong. He thought back to the last three months and each time Blaine had turned him down seeming annoyed and uninterested in being with him, as if the idea of touching him wasn't even vaguely something he was interested in. Was he really that undesirable? What had changed? Blaine used seem like he couldn't ever get enough of him but now it's like he disgusted his husband._

_He got out of the shower and dried off looking up into the mirror staring at himself, little by little the image staring back at him looked more and more flawed. Eventually he'd broken down into sobs curling up naked on the bathroom floor. It was hours before he got up, his eyes swollen and red, he got dressed swearing to himself he'd never be humiliated like that again, swearing he was done setting himself up for rejection._

_So he spent the next month practically starving himself and working out daily, got a new hair cut, changed the way he dressed, trying to desperately make himself attractive enough for Blaine to be interested again. But nothing he did made a difference. Blaine never noticed, it hadn't been until he'd collapsed during one of his father's visit that anyone realized what he'd been doing. He hadn't told his father the reason behind his insane dieting and excessive work out schedule fearing he'd tell Blaine, but he promised he'd stop and get healthy again. It was pointless to continue since even when he'd been barely eating and working himself to death Blaine still wasn't interested in him._

_He'd just have to accept that Blaine wasn't physically attracted to him anymore, he shouldn't have been surprised his husband had finally gotten tired of him...he was ugly and pale, he had pear hips...he wouldn't try to force Blaine to be intimate with him again. He couldn't handle the rejection and reminder of just how lacking he was he in his husbands eyes._

_*End flashback*_

Kurt stared at the floor and refused to meet Blaine or the therapists eyes, he didn't want to see the disgust or pity. When the therapist asked him to take her and Blaine back to the different moments in the last eight months that stuck out to him the most in his belief that he was unattractive and undesirable to Blaine after Blaine had brought up that since Kurt had been home he'd been avoiding getting undressed around him and seemed to be uncomfortable with seeing Blaine with his clothes off, he seemed more like he was shy...which Blaine didn't understand after ten years together and seven years of marriage. Why Kurt seemed to have such a hard time believing Blaine wanted to sleep in the same bed with him each night, wanted to hold him, wanted to kiss him.

_*Flashback*_

_"Blaine?" Kurt asked quietly standing in the door frame of their bedroom twisting his hands together anxiously._

_"Hmm?" was the only sound Blaine let out in response as he turned the page of the paperwork he was reading at the coffee table._

_"Are you coming to bed soon?" Kurt asked taking a step closer hope filling his heart._

_"What? Oh um no probably not, I still have to finish this so I'll just sleep on the couch. Grab me a pillow would you?" Blaine replied without taking his eyes off his work._

_Kurt's face fell and he sadly whispered "Okay" and moved back into the bedroom to grab a pillow and blanket taking it out to set on the couch. He moved over to stand behind Blaine debating whether or not he should try for a hug, he reached out for a moment before pulling back losing his nerve._

_"I put a pillow and Blanket on the couch for you...Goodnight Blaine" he said softly_

_"Yea okay, night" Blaine said distractedly_

_Kurt walked back to the bedroom and paused at the door before looking over his shoulder and calling out "I love you" praying for a response. When he received none a tear slipped down his face and he moved fully into the bedroom closing the door behind him. He curled into a ball on his bed and let the tears come._

_*End Flashback*_

Blaine knew he wasn't perfect. He knew the last eight months of his marriage he hadn't been the ideal husband...but he honestly hadn't expected this. Listening to Kurt's quiet voice sadly taking both him and their therapist through the last eight months from his perspective was legitimately devastating to him. He had no idea how much he'd screwed up, no idea how much he'd damaged Kurt's self esteem. How did he actually not notice that Kurt had starved himself to the point of collapsing? He never noticed Kurt has lost weight at all, was he that self absorbed and blind? No wonder Kurt had been contemplating divorce. His husband must seriously love him to have stayed with him as long as he had and put up with such insanity.

_*Flashback*_

_Kurt was on a plane on his way to Lima, he stared out the window and sniffled thinking about his last few hours at home. He and Blaine were supposed to be heading to his dad's house for Christmas, yet somehow here he was flying alone because Blaine couldn't be pulled away from his precious job even for Christmas. It would be the first Christmas they'd ever spent apart and Kurt was distraught to realize he was the only one who seemed bothered by this fact at all._

_"Kurt I just cant go okay? I'm on a deadline and I need to be here. This is an important case and I cant just blow it off if I want to get that promotion coming up" Blaine said running a frustrated hand over his face._

_"Blaine it's Christmas! Please, just a couple day's...you can come back early if you want" Kurt pleaded but Blaine just Kept shaking his head_

_"Kurt I cant leave"_

_"Then I'll stay here with you so we can be together!" Kurt said desperately grabbing Blaine's hand but Blaine pulled away._

_"No, I'll just be working the entire time so you might as well go home and see your dad, you better get going you'll miss your flight" Blaine said decidedly and walked away from Kurt sitting back down on the couch and picking up one of the files sitting there and a highlighter dropping the conversation._

_Kurt finally gave up trying, accepting that he was going to have to spend Christmas without Blaine this year because apparently Blaine was done discussing this with him and sadly moved over to his suitcase pulling out the wrapped gift he had for his husband and placed it on the table before picking up his bag and moving towards the front door._

_"Merry Christmas Blaine, I love you" he whispered sadly walking out the door alone. Part of him hoped for a 'goodbye' 'have a nice flight' 'be safe' maybe even an 'I love you too' but Blaine had apparently completely forgotten about their conversation and moved on._

_When his father asked why he'd come alone he'd tried to make excuses and pretending everything was fine but his father saw right through it and simply looked him in the eyes and said "What's going on kid? I want the truth" and he'd broken down crying spilling his guts out about everything. His father listened in shock before pulling his son into his arms in an attempt to comfort him wondering what in the hell was going on with his husband._

_*End Flashback*_

Blaine reached over and took Kurt's hand in his and gave it a comforting squeeze. His husband had a steady stream of tears slipping down his face while he spoke still refusing to look up at anyone and the therapist was staring at him with sympathy as she passed Blaine a box of Kleenex for Kurt. Kurt wiped at his eyes and pulled his hand away from Blaine everything feeling to raw at the moment. Their therapist waited a moment to let him calm down a bit before asking if he was ready to continue. He told her he was ready but kept the box of Kleenex in his lap.

_*Flashback*_

_Kurt had made sure to get up early in an attempt to catch Blaine before he went to work hoping they could have breakfast together, he felt like he never got to see Blaine anymore. So he got out of bed when he heard Blaine get into the bathroom and hurried into the kitchen to make breakfast. He quickly whipped together some banana nut pancakes knowing they were Blaine's favorite, he added a couple pieces of maple sausage to another pan, and set the coffee to brew._

_When he heard the shower shut off he rushed to set the table and pile the plates with a couple pancakes each topping them with fresh banana slices and warm maple syrup he had warmed up with some vanilla bean to infuse the flavor. He slid a few pieces of sausage onto a small plate to set next to it and poured Blaine a cup of coffee adding some of his favorite creamer and when Blaine walked out in his suit straitening his tie he paused in surprise when he saw the set table and Kurt setting down a cup of coffee._

_"Uh Kurt? What's going on?" He said with his brow furrowed in confusion_

_Kurt shoved away the butterflies in his stomach and tried to give his husband a convincing smile "I just ...I thought we could have breakfast together? Like we used too? I made Banana pancakes! I know they're your favorite I even made some of that vanilla bean maple syrup you love ...sausage too! Oh and yesterday I went to three different stores and found some of that amaretto coffee creamer for you... and... I just thought it'd be nice to have breakfast together before you went to work?" Kurt asked hopefully_

_Blaine sighed tiredly and checked his watch "Kurt I don't really have time to sit down for a big breakfast, normally I just pick up a muffin or something on the way"_

_He watched as Kurt's smile fell and looked at the table and food he'd made helplessly "Yea okay...sure. I just thought...Umm... Never mind ..have a good day at work then, I'll just get rid of all this" he said quietly and started moving around the kitchen putting things away not meeting Blaine's eyes._

_Blaine felt guilt hit his stomach when he saw how crushed Kurt looked and checked his watch one more time before sighing heavily and saying "Maybe we can have the coffee together and save the pancakes for another time?" he offered and saw Kurt's face shoot up hopefully._

_"Really? Okay I-I'll just go grab a cup and be right back" Kurt said turning around and grabbing a cup quickly filling it and messily adding a spoon of sugar spilling some on the counter top in his haste and he sat at the table. Blaine sat down next to him and took a drink from his coffee the corners of his mouth quirking slightly as the taste hit his tongue._

_Kurt sipped his coffee and wracked his brain trying to think of something to say that might interest Blaine but came up with nothing._

_They both drank in relative silence before Blaine said "So how has writing been going?" and Kurt grasped at the topic desperately "Writing has been going great, my editor said they think this book is going to be a hit, even more popular than the last one" he said hoping Blaine would be proud of him._

_"That's great Kurt...look I wish I could stay and have you tell me more about it but if I don't leave I'm going to be late...I think I'll just put this coffee in a to go mug okay?" Blaine said checking his watch again and getting up to switch his coffee into a to go mug, he grabbed his suitcase and jacked heading for the front door yelling "Thanks for the coffee, good luck writing today" and walking out the door letting it swing shut behind him._

_Kurt drop his head in his hands and got up standing in front of the sink before throwing his cup forcefully into the sink shattering it. He dumped the food he made into the trash and brought the plates to the sink before sighing and setting them down to clean out the cup fragments cutting three of his fingers in the process. He finished cleaning up the kitchen and went into the bedroom flopping back onto the bed._

_"Why do I even bother?" he asked the empty room miserably._

_*End Flashback*_

Blaine remembered that morning. He remembered feeling guilty that Kurt seemed to be so disappointed they couldn't have breakfast together. He also remembered thinking on the way to work he'd make it up to him that weekend with breakfast in bed or something, but then something had come up at work and he'd never gotten around to it and ended up forgetting his plans completely. Thinking back he hadn't even read Kurt's last book...he didn't even know what it was about...isn't that something he should know? Hell when Kurt had written the first one he used to ask Blaine to read through it and ask for advice on certain characters or story lines, he'd been a part of the whole process. He'd been so proud when Kurt got published immediately and the book had been a hit, he'd rushed out and waited in line at midnight to buy a copy so he could ask Kurt to sign it. He remembered his husband had smiled and blushed when he'd asked for his autograph so he could display it on his desk at work. At his old job before all of this his office had been a shrine to their life together. Pictures covered the walls, along with clippings of Kurt's magazine articles, and the reviews on the book. He'd had them framed and up on his wall. He remembered bringing Kurt to the company Christmas party and all of his work friends telling him how proud of him Blaine was and that his whole office was decorated with Kurt and his achievements, that he talked about him all the time.

Kurt had blushed and smiled, seemingly embarrassed but Blaine could tell that he was pleased to hear that his husband was proud of him. At Kurt's first book launch he'd stood proudly at his husbands side showing his support.

How did he go from that to this?

_*Flashback*_

_Blaine unlocked the front door and stepped inside surprised to see the lights still on and Kurt sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee in front of him and reading a book, which wasn't entirely surprising after all his husband wrote books, so seeing him read one wasn't out of the norm for him at all ...what was surprising was that Kurt was wearing an extremely expensive looking tailored suit. Once Blaine had opened the door he'd shut the book and place it on the table crossing his arms and standing to glare at Blaine with hurt and angry eyes which Blaine now realized looked rimmed red as if he'd been crying.__  
__  
"What are you so dressed up for?" Blaine asked carefully_

_"Well considering my Book Launch was tonight, I think it's safe to say I was there." Kurt replied evenly and Blaine cringed_

_"Look Kurt I-" He started but was cut off_

_"You know who else was there? My dad, yea he and Carole flew in from Lima to show their support, so did Finn...and __Mr. Schuester, Rachel took a night off from being a Broadway star to show up and Mercedes took a break from recording her album and flew in from LA, even Dave Karofsky and his husband came, as did Mike and Tina even though they live three hours away...you know who didn't come though?" Kurt asked with watery eyes and Blaine gulped nodding slightly._

_"That's right...my husband, who lives in the same house as me, who promised me he'd be there, he never showed. Do you have any idea how many times people asked where you were tonight? Press included? I tried calling you to find out where you were and just kept telling everyone that you were running a little late and just got held up at work and that you would show up later. But you never did and I walked around for hours checking my phone and the door every fifteen minutes feeling completely humiliated by being stood up be my own husband at one of the most important night's of my career!" Tears spilled from Kurt's eyes and Blaine wracked his brain trying to think of a better excuse than the actual truth, he honestly didn't think 'I forgot and went to have some beers with my coworkers' was going to fly with Kurt right now._

_Kurt sniffled and wiped at his eyes his anger finally draining from his body leaving only hurt. "Do you have anything to say to me? Like where you were and what was so important you couldn't even bother to call me and tell me you weren't coming?" he asked miserably and Blaine sighed._

_"Kurt...listen I'm sorry I wasn't there, and I know you're upset but you have to understand... I had a really long day at work and ended up going out for some drinks with a few coworkers to unwind, I was so exhausted I completely forgot the launch was tonight"_

_With wide eyes Kurt stared at his husband. He forgot. That was it. No excuse other than he 'forgot'._

_"You know Blaine...some days... it's hard to understand any of this anymore." he said shaking his head tiredly before looking up and saying "Are you coming to bed? (Blaine lifted his suitcase and was about to respond when Kurt said) Right of course not, what was I thinking? You're going to look at paper work and fall asleep on the couch. If I'm lucky in the morning I'll get to see the back of your head as you walk out the front door" he finished walking into the bedroom and shutting the door behind him._

_Blaine stood stunned and slightly guilty but tried to convince himself that Kurt was over reacting and he would get over it. That he would forgive him given some time. They didn't speak for a week after that until Blaine went out and bought Kurt's book and left it on the kitchen table with a note asking for the 'author's signature' and a brief apology. It really hadn't been much, but Kurt couldn't take it and had caved fearing if he stayed mad things would get worse and he was getting progressively fearful the last six months that if something didn't change... he and Blaine would be heading towards a divorce._

_*End Flashback*_

Blaine cringed when he thought about that fight. It had actually been one of the only real times in those eight months where he'd legitimately thought he was a jackass. He'd been completely aware that he'd screwed up, and he'd meant to make it up to Kurt but when Kurt seemed to stop being upset with him after the book he'd put his focus back on the case he was working and the rest of it just never came up again so he'd let it go. Now he could see how wrong he'd been, could see that the only reason Kurt had let it go was because he was terrified of Blaine pulling away even more if he stayed mad.

Blaine tried to think about how he let himself be so blind. Surely a part of him had known what he was doing so why had he let himself get so caught up in that stupid job? How had he put his relationship in jeopardy without even realizing it. The therapist finally turned to him and told him that she wanted him to close his eyes and think back to when this all started, according to Kurt the first three weeks of the new job had been fine and then out of nowhere something changed and Blaine developed this extreme obsession and preoccupation with his job as if nothing was enough letting his marriage fall on the back burner leaving Kurt completely clueless as to what had changed

He closed his eyes and tried to think back to the first few weeks of work and everything that had happened.

_*Blaine's Flashback*_

_"Alright baby have a great day at work, I love you" Kurt said handing Blaine a fresh to go mug of coffee accepting a soft kiss from his husband in return, Blaine's mouth still tasted like the french toast they'd had for breakfast. He straightened Blaine's tie and gave him a smile._

_"I love you too sweetheart, thanks for breakfast it was great" Blaine replied pulling Kurt back in for another kiss, Kurt arms slid up from Blaine's tie to his shoulders to wrap around his neck as he deepened the kiss and Blaine backed him against the kitchen sink blindly setting down his coffee mug and running a hand down Kurt's back over his ass giving it a tight squeeze. Kurt groaned into Blaine's mouth and when the two pulled away Kurt pouted at his husband "Do you have to go to work today? It's seriously unfair that you rile me up like this each morning and then I have to wait hours for some relief" he trailed off running a hand down Blaine's chest towards his pants to gently caress his husbands slight arousal through his pants._

_Blaine dropped his forehead to Kurt's with a groan and replied with "You're mean...do you have any idea how embarrassing it would be to walk into work with a hard on? Besides I thought you were still worn out from last night" He pecked Kurt on the nose and gave him a smirk._

_Kurt grinned at his and said "I'm never too worn out for you Blaine Anderson-Hummel"_

_They kissed each other one last time before Blaine walked to the door yelling 'I love you' over his shoulder before the door shut._

_At work Blaine was walking by the break room when he heard someone say his name, he peered around the corner to see some of his coworkers talking over coffee, against his better judgment he stayed out of their eye line to listen to what they were saying..._

_'So did you guys meet that new guy Blaine Anderson?'_

_'Not yet but Derek was saying that he walked by his office and the guy was humming show tunes and putting up some pictures of him with this guy...you don't think he's gay right? Last thing we need is another prissy fag in the office when we finally got rid of Kevin.'_

_'God I hope not...though if he is we can always let Mr. Jensen know and he'll do the same thing he did with Kevin...fire him"_

_'I thought Mr. Jensen fired Kevin because a client complained?"_

_'Nope, that's just the story he gave the big guys upstairs, the real story is he saw Kevin sucking face with some other fairy when he got off work the guy had come to pick him up and they just went at it in front of the building can you believe that?'_

_'That's disgusting! Poor Mr. Jensen... I cant imagine seeing something like that, thank god he got rid of him'_

_'No kidding, I hope this new guy isn't a fairy too...maybe one of us should try talking to him and see what we find out'_

_Blaine stood frozen outside the door and turned to walk to his office quickly shutting the door behind him...what was he going to do? His boss was a homophobic asshole? So were all his coworkers? He looked around his office he had just finished decorating and immediately started pulling down pictures and putting them back into their boxes shoving the boxes under his desk. He heard a knock at the door and he quickly took off his wedding ring and put it into his pocket before yelling out 'Come in'. One of his coworkers who had been in the room came in and he nervously waited for the man to casually scan the room before saying "Hey what's up? I don't think we've gotten the chance to meet yet I'm Blaine Anderson" he said holding out his hand, the man inspected the hand worriedly before seeming to give in and reach out to shake his hand "Derek Stevens nice to meet you too, so why don't you tell me about yourself?"_

_Blaine ran his left hand through his hair anxiously quickly coming up with a story in his head "Not much to tell actually... I'm 27, moved here a couple years ago, I'm a football and basketball fan, I've been dating my girlfriend Katie for...3 years and that's pretty much it"_

_Derek smiled at him more genuinely now "3 years huh? Wow so the two of you thinking of tying the knot any time soon?"_

_"Well, Katie wants too of course, but you know how women are...figure I'll ask her soon and try for a long engagement" he chuckled forcefully._

_The other man laughed and patted him on the shoulder roughly "Good on you man, fight the ball and chain long as you can! We should go out for beers sometime after work a bunch of us guys normally get together for drinks we'll invite you next time"_

_"Sounds great! See you later man!" Blaine called out with a smile waving the other man out the door. Once he was gone he groaned and ran a hand over his face, great now he had to remember his fake girlfriend at work._

_He sat back down at his desk and mentally prepare himself for the rest of the day, he closed his eyes for just a second when the phone rang. When he answered it was the last person in the world he wanted to talk to, the man who always seemed to ruin his day...his father. It only took 10 minutes before his father started going at him, by the end of the phone call he had Blaine convinced that he would fail and get fired from his new job, would never get another one or work his way up in the business. Told him that the least he could do if him and 'that boy' as he normally referred to Kurt were thinking of bringing a child into their home of sin he should at least be able to hold a job, then told him just how disgusting he thought it was that he and Kurt were thinking of adopting and that he couldn't believe any would give children to 'his kind of people'. By the time Blaine got off the phone his head was spinning and he was getting progressively angrier. He had asked him mom specifically not to mention any of this to his father but she'd done it anyways! Well he would prove them wrong, he'd prove everyone wrong. He'd be the best at what he did, get that promotion that was being offered next summer and when the time came he'd be ten times the man and father his own ever was._

_*End Flashback*_

That had been what started everything. It just snowballed from that day on. He'd never mentioned that phone call to Kurt, or told him anything about his boss and coworkers homophobia. Instead he'd started focusing harder on work, putting in as much over time as possible, winning every case he came across. He played the straight macho man at work and did his best to make sure no one figured out his secret. In the process however... he'd alienated his husband and made him feel worthless and unwanted. His husband who had been the only person to ever love him wholly and unconditionally for exactly who he was, he didn't need to work himself to death to make Kurt proud of him, hell Kurt would support him if he was playing Mickey Mouse at Disney world. He'd never needed to change for Kurt, or prove that he was a 'real man'. So in his insane attempt to please the people who would never approve of him and his life no matter what he did or how successful he was, he'd destroyed his relationship with the one person who has stuck by him for 10 years and given him more love, support and commitment than he ever could of hoped for. Destroyed his relationship with the man who wanted to start a family with him, who thought he'd make an amazing father exactly as is. He'd taken out his frustration and resentment against his parents on Kurt, and it was no excuse.

He looked over at Kurt who was staring at him with something akin to sadness and understanding. He hoped that he hadn't ruined things for good, because he would never forgive himself if he lost Kurt, even though he knew he didn't deserve him, he prayed to a god he wasn't sure he believed in that he would be able to fix things between himself and his husband, he still wanted a family with Kurt, still loved him with his whole heart, still wanted to grow old with him by his side. He hoped his dad was wrong...that he wasn't a failure who couldn't even make his marriage work.

"Blaine... why didn't you just tell me about that phone call? About your co workers? About your boss? Not that it excuses the last eight months but we've been together for ten years... do you honestly think I wouldn't have understood? Don't you think I could have helped? When we got married we became a team, this is a partnership...and it cant work if both of us aren't working on it actively. How can you decide to just check out of our relationship and not expect their to be some consequences?"

"I don't know why I didn't tell you, honestly I'm not sure why I let any of this happen. Kurt I wish I could take back the last eight months and do things differently but I cant...and I am so so sorry. I love you, I want to spent the rest of my life with you. I want to grow old with you by my side surrounded by our children and grandchildren... I know I screwed up, but I swear as long as I live I will love you with everything I have and will never ever do anything like this to you again."

Their therapist watched the two of them carefully before speaking "Alright, we got through a lot today, I think both of you can admit that despite the problems you two have had in the last eight months and despite the reasons that lead to it all... it's obvious both of you want to work on this marriage and are still very much in love with each other. It wont be easy but as long as both of you are committed to making this work, it is possible to fix things between the two of you. Our session for today is over but I want to see the two of you together once a week and Kurt I want you to keep coming in separately as well. I'm going to give you two a list of books I want you to read together with matching workbooks that have steps and goals to work towards each week in between these sessions"

They thanked her and walked out together, in the elevator Kurt was quiet and Blaine was worried this session might make him want to leave again but half way between his inner panic attack he felt a soft hand mold against his and lace their fingers together giving him a reassuring squeeze. He looked up at Kurt who was shooting him a small smile.

"I'm still in this if you are" Kurt said gently and Blaine sighed in relief.

"Forever and always" He replied bringing up Kurt's hand to his lips to press a kiss to the skin.

"I love you Blaine"

"and I love you Kurt...I always have and always will"

* * *

**A/N: I am on a writing ROLL this week! Whew! my hands are kinda cramping but that's okay...I'm spoiling my readers because they are amazing and leave me fantastic reviews ;)**

**You guys inspired me to update quickly...and it helped I had this entire chapter planned out already in a notebook...I've sorta been working on the general ideas for this since before my last update, since I knew it was going to be an emotional chapter with a lot of flashback its took a lot of pre planning But that made for fairly quick and easy writing soooo it worked out pretty well! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Please leave a review.**

**Thanks for reading! I love you guys :)**

**Hugs & Kisses!**  
**-Jazzy**


	6. Chapter 6

Blaine was sitting up in bed reading one of their new marriage books, on the list had been some that she suggested he read, some Kurt should read, and some they should read together. The books each had 'workbook' portions, he understood now that he couldn't just change over night and expect things to get better. It was a process, It had taken eight months to ruin their marriage, it wouldn't take a weekend to fix it. Kurt's insecurities would be a big hurdle for the both of them, as would his fear of trusting Blaine again... a fear mostly based on letting Blaine back in only for him to slip right back into the habits that had caused problems to begin with. There was a part of Kurt that worried Blaine wanted to try for now... but that he'd eventually get bored and give up leaving them in the same mess as before.

But Blaine was determined to show Kurt he meant it, that he would see this through and prove to Kurt just how committed he was to this marriage and making it work. Next to him Kurt was curled up on his side of the bed fast asleep with a hand resting on the skin of Blaine's hip under his sleep shirt. Blaine sighed and ran a hand through his husbands hair hearing him let out a soft sound of approval and gave Kurt a small smile before setting the book down and slipping under the covers to pull Kurt up against his chest, it had been an emotional day for the both of them, but Kurt going back and bringing up things that had seriously damaged him really took a toll on him. Blaine had barely been able to get him to stay awake long enough to eat something for dinner before Kurt was passed out fully clothed in bed, Blaine had shaken his head at Kurt with a chuckle and took off his shoes and jeans before lifting Kurt and slipping him under the covers.

"Mmm..Blaine? What's going on?" Kurt sleepily murmured.

"It's okay baby, go back to sleep...I'm here. I've got you" Blaine whispered pressing a kiss to Kurt's temple.

Kurt replied with a barely there "Mkay.." and nuzzled into his husbands chest falling back to sleep.

Blaine thought about the firs three chapters he had read tonight, first thing tomorrow he would start with the 'workbook' section in the back of each chapter.

The following morning Blaine was the first up and he looked down at his husband who was comfortably cuddled up against his chest and smiled, dear god his husband was beautiful. He'd known since the first day he'd met Kurt that he was by far the single most gorgeous, attractive and utterly stunning person he'd ever met and probably would ever meet. Ten years later he still thought the same thing, Kurt was the most beautiful man in the entire world. How he could ever think he was ugly and unattractive was beyond Blaine entirely, even now with his hair mussed from sleep and his eyes closed and lips slightly parted...no one could even attempt to compare to how beautiful Blaine thought he was. Kurt was perfection. In Blaine's opinion he'd only gotten more perfect as the years had gone by, there was absolutely nothing he would change.

Kurt started stirring and Blaine saw the exact moment in his husbands face when he realized where he was and who was next to him, and it broke his heart to see that Kurt immediately looked embarrassed and panicked. He watched as his husbands tried to retract his hands and body away so he slid one of his arms up around Kurt's waist and the other to hold his hand over Blaine's heart "Don't go" he whispered and Kurt's face shot up to look at his and he pulled Kurt closer and nuzzled his face into Kurt's hair "Please don't go, stay" he murmured. He saw Kurt's face light up and a slight smile curve his lips and his body relaxed against Blaine's cuddling into him and slowly lifting one of his legs to curl over Blaine's. "This okay?" Kurt asked quietly and Blaine nodded "Of course it is...I can never have you close enough Kurt."

Blaine leaned his face down and kissed Kurt gently before nudging their noses together. "So last night I was reading one of the books on my list and at the end of each chapter it has an exercise to do, since I finished the first three chapters I figured we could maybe try them out? Would you be willing to do that with me today?" Blaine ask softly and Kurt gave him a smile "Sure, that sounds great, what's the first exercise?"

"Well, it's called 'Flooding' and basically, we are supposed to either sit facing each other, or lay down together facing each other, make eye contact and hold hands, just take turns telling each other that we love one another for five straight minutes, just nothing but 'I love you's" Blaine responded maintaining eye contact and he noticed the pleased spark light Kurt's eyes and knew that his husband approved of this.

"That sounds great, do you want to do it now or after breakfast?" Kurt asked shyly.

"That depends...are you hungry yet? I can make us breakfast in bed first if you are?" Blaine offered with a smile running a hand up and down Kurt's side.

Kurt smiled and nodded "That sounds great, if you don't mind? If you don't want to cook I can just go-" he started to sit up but, Blaine cut him off with a kiss "I don't mind making my husband breakfast, I like taking care of you"

Kurt blushed seemingly surprised and nodded slightly settling back onto the pillow. "Blaine?" he said quietly

"Yes sweetheart?"

Kurt looked him in the eyes and gave him a slight smile "I love you"

Blaine's eyes softened and he ran the back of his hand down the side of Kurt's face. "I love you too" he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his husbands forehead and hopped off the bed to shuffle into the kitchen pulling out the ingredients for a quick breakfast, while the pan heated up he brewed some coffee and smiled to himself at the idea that he and Kurt where actually moving forward with their relationship, that he was getting a second chance. He cracked the eggs into a bowl whisking them together quickly and pouring them into the pan to make an omelette for himself and Kurt, he added some cheese and veggies and once they were done plated them carefully. Next up was the turkey bacon which he cooked up nice and crispy the way he knew his husband liked it. He prepared a tray and carefully carried it back into the bedroom, finding Kurt sitting up in bed with one of his books from the therapist in his lap his reading glasses that Blaine rarely ever got to see him in.

"Breakfast is served my love" Blaine said cheerfully placing the tray on the bed and climbing into it next to Kurt propping himself up against the pillows and settling back. Kurt marked his page and shot Blaine a smile which was returned "You know...I love the way you look in your glasses" Blaine said leaning over and pecking Kurt lightly on the nose. Kurt flushed a bit and shrugged touching his glasses a bit self consciously but left them on. He took the plate Blaine handed to him and shot him a pleased smile.

"Thank you" he said with a smile and accepted the mug of coffee as well taking a large gulp and sighing in contentment.

They ate breakfast in a comfortable silence and Blaine would never admit that he was carefully watching how much his husband ate, after hearing Kurt admit to starving himself for a month in an effort to get thinner in an attempt to make himself more attractive for his husband...chances were it would be a while before Blaine stopped paying attention to just how much and how often he ate. It scared him that Kurt had pushed himself that far, that he'd been in a bad enough place mentally he'd put his health at risk and that his own husband? Hadn't even noticed. He'd have to be careful though, last thing he wanted was for Kurt to realize what he was doing and get upset. They'd have to talk about it though, he needed to apologize and if necessary he'd spend hours worshiping Kurt's body trying to convince him just how perfect he was.

Once they'd finished up and Blaine tried to hide his relief in seeing that Kurt had managed to eat everything he'd put on his plate soothing away the worry that had taken up residence in Blaine's heart, he watched Kurt drink the rest of his coffee before sighing happily and letting himself fall back onto the pillows before rolling onto his side and propping his head up to face his husband. Blaine set his own plate aside and took one final drink from his mug before sliding down to lay beside Kurt as well, he reached out and tugged him closer slipping his hand up under Kurt's shirt to caress the skin of his lower back and leaned in to press a soft kiss to Kurt's lips.

When he pulled back he saw the slight blush on Kurt's cheeks and moved back in to pepper his face with small pecks causing him to start giggling before reaching out to grasp Blaine's face in his hands and pull him in for a proper kiss. When they parted Blaine heard Kurt let out a soft sigh before he whispered "Ten years and you still take my breath away".

"I hope I never stop" Blaine said softly giving Kurt one final peck before laying back down and grasping Kurt's hand to intertwine their fingers between them on the bed.

He looked into Kurt's eyes and gave him a small smile before saying "I love you"

Kurt returned his smile and responded in kind "I love you"

_Blaine_ "I love you"

Kurt "I love you"

_Blaine_ "I love you"

Kurt "I love you"

_Blaine_ "I love you"

Kurt "I love you"

_Blaine_ "I love you"

Blaine heard the hitched in Kurt's voice before he responded with the next "I love you" and squeezed his husbands trembling hand tighter, after the third 'I love you' Kurt's eyes had started to water and Blaine saw something in Kurt's composure crack and he knew deep down this was hitting Kurt hard, he thought back to Kurt during their therapy session and his retelling of how many times he'd said "I love you" praying to hear it back, how much he'd legitimately started to believe that his husband didn't love him anymore.

He was glad he chose this exercise first. Kurt needed it. He needed this, to hear over and over again that he was loved.

Before the five minutes where even up? Kurt broke down sobbing allowing Blaine to pull him into his arms and hold him. Blaine didn't stop though, he kept up with his steady stream of "I love you"s until Kurt's sobs tapered off into slight sniffles and simply held him, running a soothing hand through his hair and pressing light kisses to the top of his head.

"I'm sorry" He heard Kurt whisper brokenly and he shook his head squeezing Kurt tighter.

"Don't be. This is my fault. I shouldn't have ever given you a reason to doubt this. I don't care what it takes Kurt...I am going to fix us. I'll prove to you that I love you and that you can trust in us again. I love you so..._so_ much Kurt. So much it almost feels like my heart will burst, so much I can hardly contain it...and the thought...that for even one second I got so lost in myself and my job that you had doubts? Is something I wont ever forgive myself for. You deserve so much more than what I've given you...you've loved me despite how I treated you the last eight months, you stayed despite me being not even an ounce of the husband you deserve. You didn't even think of cheating or look elsewhere for the affection or attention you weren't getting at home not that I would have blamed you if you did... and I seriously...seriously don't deserve to have someone as amazing as you as my husband. But I swear, I swear to you Kurt I will never take you for granted again. I love you, and I always will love you. Ever hour of every day of the rest of my life I will go on loving you until my heart stops beating...and if there's life after this? I'll still love you then. Because you're mine Kurt. My soul mate My whole world. My everything...and I wont give up on us. Ever... and I'm sorry, I'm so unbelievably sorry that treated you the way I did. But even if you never forgive me, even if you decided you hated me for all of this...I'll still love you Kurt. Always. I'll never stop"

They were quiet for a while, Blaine simply holding Kurt close to his chest with Kurt's head resting over his heart.

"Blaine?"

"Yes baby?"

"I love you too."

"I love you more."

"and...I wont. Give up I mean... on us. Ever. I promise"

Blaine kissed the top of his husbands head and whispered a soft "Thank you"

"and Blaine?"

"Yes sweetheart?"

"I could never hate you, no matter what. You're my everything too."

"I'm glad because I don't know if I could ever handle the thought of you hating me" he admitted quietly.

He felt Kurt shift and loosened his hold on him enough to allow Kurt to maneuver himself to they could look in each others eyes. "I-I know things are perfect, and it's going to be a long time and probably be a lot of hard work before things are right between us again. But despite all of it? I do forgive you. I wouldn't be willing to work on this and be here with you right now if I didn't. It doesn't make it okay, and it doesn't make the pain go away...but I forgive you. Not just for you but for me. Because what we have? Is too important, too special. Not everyone is lucky enough in life to meet their soul mate and get the opportunity to spend the rest of their lives together. If losing my mom taught me anything it's that life is too short, you should love the people you can...when you can because tomorrow isn't guaranteed...and I'd hate for anything to ever happen and to think you didn't know that I've forgiven you. We'll be okay. It'll take time but I know we will be okay. Because I have faith in you and in us, we just got lost for a little while...and now we have a map to find our way back. So we'll be okay. I just need you to bare with me and be patient for now. But never forget that I love you, you're my husband and I want to spend the rest of my life with you...loving you...building a family with you. I may have lost hope for a little while but it's back now and I am never ever letting you go. Okay?"

A tear slipped down Blaine's cheek and he pressed his forehead to Kurt's breathing in shakily before he whispered "Okay"

"I love you Forever" Kurt said softly.

"I love you Always" Blaine replied the same way he had the day they'd said I do.

* * *

**A/N: I know it's been forever, and I apologize. I was...SO stuck on this freaking story. I was spending hours staring at a blank screen to only end up writing maybe two words in frustration before shutting it off after I realized I just cant...FORCE inspiration. It's either there or it's not. So I took a break and worked on something else until I was able to work on this again so I wouldn't get out of the writing zone because once that happens it's so hard to get back into it. That's how my creative process works, I try to write every day regardless of what it is so that I don't let the creative juices stop. I work on something else until I can come back to it. Thank you all for being so patient. To the wonderful readers and reviewers who were kind and patient? This is for you. To the ones who were rude and demanding of me? You almost made me give up on this altogether. Don't bite the hand that feeds you, being rude to an author and giving them attitude doesn't make writing any easier. If anything it makes it harder because it's more pressure added on. Remember that I do this for my own enjoyment, I don't get paid, I do this despite my shitty health that sometimes makes this almost impossible. Writing is the one thing that keeps me going despite all the negativity in my life, the one thing that causes me true happiness and keeps me from falling over that teetering edge of depression and I'm not about to let some anonymous reviewers take that away from me. I'm a real person with real problems and a real life, think about that before you send me messages like that again. Before you send ANYONE messages like that again. For all you know? You're thoughtless comment could be that last thing that puts them over the edge and then guess what? The story will never update, and that's on you.**

**To everyone else? I love you still. Love you forever. Love you always.  
***Hugs and kisses*  
**-Jazz**


	7. Chapter 7

This is RazzleJazzle's Brother, my sister wants to apologize for not being able to write the last few months. We discovered the problems with her wrist turned out to be Nerve Damage and when her other wrist started acting up along with her neck they are now looking into the possibility of double crush syndrome. Essentially that means there is nerve compression at more than one site, so just treating or having surgery on her wrists wont fix the problem. There's a chance she will need surgery on her spine and will be having tests to find out. She is not giving up on anything, she is just taking what she called a 'medical leave of absence from writing' since she cant exactly do it with either hand and apparently didn't appreciate my idea to type with her nose. Her health has really taken a dive this last year and she has a group of doctors working to try and pin point all the different medical problems she has and figure out how to either fix it, or make it bearable for her. So please just be patient and know that she hasn't given up or quick on anything, If it was up to her she'd be typing up a storm like normal but it's just not possible for her right now. Everything going on has really overwhelmed her and it's been hard dealing with all of this, I know she appreciates the support she's been given for her stories and the words of encouragement means the world to her, so thank you from the both of us for being one of the only reasons she gets a real smile anymore ( I read her the review updates when she's resting after physical therapy sometimes) Please keep her in your thoughts and cross your fingers that things get better for her, it's hard for us all to see her suffering like this.

Thank you.


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